At first, everything felt super easy. Pregnancy symptoms? Not for me, i’m one of the lucky ones – i would say. Not a little in the first month however, it all hit me. Feeling sick all the time, not in the mood for anything at all and very quickly i found myself staying indoors for weeks. There’s not much you can do around here especially when fall arrives. So my super exciting / adventurous life (which was even more than usually this summer) was dramatically interrupted to what felt a little like prison. Well, it might not all be that dramatic. I’m pretty sure it was a lot easier than others’ pregnancies who don’t have the luxury to work from home. But a lot tougher than someone who has that maternity glow and gets up in morning with a reason to make herself pretty, interact with people and go outside.
For someone who draws her inspirations from adventures and finds her happy place in them, it was very difficult adapting in this phase of my life. My early morning routine was replaced by struggling to get out of the bed in one piece. There was zero time for personal projects and blog posts, no mood or time for inspiration and interacting with the rest of the world. At first, i started secluding myself from Instagram. There was nothing for me to share and i felt a lot of pressure to share a perfect picture that was not a memory of the awesome summer i had. Mind me, my life isn’t perfect. But when it comes to Instagram, i always want to share the most adventurous aspects of it to inspire and be inspired myself. Without being able to speak about my exciting news and struggles, slowly i withdrew and secluded myself from everything social.
So i threw myself to work. Undoubtedly i’ve worked on some of the best projects i have in my working years, with my most proudest works so far. Naturally, i cannot wait to start posting them and tell you all about the incredible people i’ve worked with. While work was fulfilling and exciting and all i had, i still missed my old self. I had done zero moves to adapt and somehow find that silver lining. I was honestly out of ideas, and felt powerless in contrast to someone who had figured a perfect balance in her life just a few months ago.
I only started seeing things clearer not a long ago. It’s not about how perfect your life is and how quickly you’ll be able to adapt to. It’s about allowing yourself the space and time to experience the moment as it is. Not all of our moments are thrilling, sunny and glittery. When the time is right, you’ll find your way out and you’ll amaze yourself by how creative you can get. Sharing these thoughts with you, besides lifting a major weight out of my shoulders, i’m hoping to help not only the new freelance mamas but those who are going through a change in their lives and struggle to find their old self as well.
People & Books
It took me a while to get back in the game but i finally went back to what i loved most; Interacting with people, reading blogs, seeking inspiration on articles and spending some extra time on Pinterest. I’m a little more isolated than i used to be. I miss my old funny snapchats, making videos, over-sharing on blog and Instagram. That’s who i truly am and i’m eager to get back to it. Writing this post today, gave me so much clarity on how i visualise my future and the kind of person i want to be as well as the kind of presence i want to have in the blogosphere.
While seeking inspiration in all kinds of places, i started reading some interesting books. A little nudge and teaching yourself how to think differently is always needed in situations like this. You all know “Big Magic”, but you might not know “The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck” and “Essentialism – The Disciplined Pursuit of Less” that my dearest Linda suggested the other day.
This part was the toughest one, and the one i’m still battling with the most. Accepting the fact that i cannot -and probably won’t for a long time- do everything that i used to do. Like, having a full day with a crazy schedule, working on numerous kinds of things and all at a crazy pace. Tight deadlines and a full schedule always made me more productive and creative, so i’m trying to do a reverse psychology here.
Not trying to battle with the situation and accepting things as they are, has helped me a lot do more with my time by doing less things and staying productive at the same time.
This is something i will be practising on and incorporating in my life from now on. Slowing down is essential to keep my mind sane and always be in my happy place enjoying this beautiful experience. Waking up late-er, working on less but more meaningful projects, accepting the things i can’t do (like cleaning up the house every second) and learning to let go. Theo, Bella and i have created a small routine. We all drop down everything we do at 5pm every day and go for a long walk.
There’s this quote that has been my mantra the past month: “don’t allow the perfect to be the enemy of the good”. I guess it’s not bad to have a little chaos in our battle to make a perfect world. A little mess can mean that you’re setting priorities and at the end of the day it means you did what meant more and you’re happy.